Parents going thru a Divorce and their children
In most cases the parents are very concerned about the effects of divorce will cause on their children. Although this interest is important, it is paradoxical that children sometimes grow best in a home protected by a single parent than with two parents with high levels of dysfunctionality, especially when there is presence of alcoholism or drug addiction or other compulsive behavior. That is devastating for the proper upbringing and mental growth of their children. (This is a separate issue in itself that we will discuss in the future).
After the divorce, the couple must learn to continue their role as a parent, while leaving the role as wife or husband. This requires that you accept that there will not be interference in controlling the actions of your spouse any longer. Avoid criticizing your ex-wife or husband in front of children; for the child’s mind is very confusing and incomprehensible that the models we have forged in their minds are acting with verbal aggression or otherwise, and when they observe them into a bitter war, they can´t process that behavior; and when the couples in conflict do that what, they are programming their children to become insecure and with multiple problems in their short lives.
Avoid at all costs the temptation of using your children to send messages of any kind to your ex-spouse, all that does is to cause more confusion to your children and insecurities, that will degenerate into low self esteem and rebelliousness, both at home and in their environment. Avoid asking about ex-spouse, avoid the desire to make your child a confident this can be bad for him.
When the former spouses need to talk about issues related to their children, make it directly. It is advisable that they plan the appropriate moment to treat any matters concerning the children, and in that aspect both should act with highest level of maturity and the lines of communications should be open, always thinking of the well-being of the children.
It is almost certain, that during and after the divorce process you may feel very bad emotionally, you might feel like a loser or a failure. It is suggested that you seek out for adult friends, family members, groups that assist those types of conflicts, or counselors who provide this support when you need it. Divorce will cause a permanent change in the relation of parent and child. These changes are different for parents who have physical custody of the children.
Parents with the physical custody.
Being a single parent will demand that you absorb a large percentage of duties. Often that parent goes through an increase of nervous tension; because it will further increase their responsibilities that were transferred to them.
There are some typical experiences of those parents in charge of the children, these include:
. They feel that their children provide the structure for their life, so no longer feel alone.
. Come to have a more marked and over-closeness with their children.
. Comes to think that she/he is the only responsible for children and what happens to them.
. They expect children to take more responsibilities and assume some duties at home.
. They feel oppressed by the decisions and duties associated for being a single parent.
. They may have feelings of being isolated from the children life.