THE DIVORCE AND ITS RESULTS. (Part-4 of 4)

Forming New Relationships after a Divorce

For couples who have already gone through a divorce, this is a very debatable issue based on the premise that every person and every situation is different from one another. We will try to give you some guidelines based not only on scientific studies and testimonials from people who have had that experience.

To consider rebuilding your life and to build a new relations, in spite of having experienced a divorce, is very natural, all humans by nature are not made to be alone, it is gregarious in itself and therefore is inclined to seek and conform to its own nature.

The characteristic of being human means that sometimes couples who have had already a divorce they may feel tempted to rebuild their lives prematurely. Consider it this way to illustrate; if you ever had a surgery, your doctor in most cases will order you to rest for some time after the operation, this is important for recovery. And when given the green light to resume your movement, will be gradually until you reach the healing of the wound. Or when you’ve had an accident and perhaps there are broken bones, in most cases once the bones weld, you will need physic therapy to regain your movements all that will take a while until finally when your doctor deems appropriate, he will release you from his care.

In similar way this process works in divorced couples, his soul, his psyche, his life, his being, needs the time for a gradual restoration, for healing wounds and the emotional pain, to achieve the functionality as adequately as possible.

They should take into account and accept that as a result of this ordeal there will be permanent scars in their lives, there are many couples who are victims of serious breakdowns in health, but also need to harbor the hope that will arrive the day of their emotional and physical restoration.

Many couples fall in the negation syndrome, and they refuse to accept their realities, they hold the past, they don’t admit that the nest is empty now; worse yet, still in occasions they surrender their dignity, they conform themselves with crumbs, with leftovers of care which will have more than enough to increase their drop of self-esteem, they underestimate their values and they become victims of all kinds of abuses. This phenomenon seems more common in women than in men; although I have treated men’s cases in which they have ended up accepting the woman’s infidelity with the hope of not losing her.

By establishing new relationships, it is necessary you take into account the children, when you have them. Obviously you also want your children to be accepted into the new relationship, whether you like it or not, once you have established the new relationship also will become responsibility of the new spouse exercising a surrogate role, which sometimes presents problems for all parts involved that can be the children, the ex-spouses or relatives from either side. Many of the changes caused by divorce to enter into new relationships can be very disruptive or cause a lot of tension.

When you are considering a new relationship, you must first take the necessary time so you know you have reached enough degree of emotional stability; that will allows you to make better decisions regarding the selection of your new partner.

It is very important that the man or woman that decides to initiate the new relationship have a high degree of maturity, values and principles that represent an ideal model for their children.
Before you get involved or considering a new relationship, scientific studies, surveys, clinical interviews, and other studies throw an index of time before contemplating involvement with somebody; the studies advise that people who have been experienced a divorce should wait an average as minimum time of one year, for many they will find this as a long time to wait; but the studies give to light as indicative or point of reference. Be worth to consider these studies, they have been exhaustive and have participated, psychologists, doctors, sociologists, anthropologists and other professionals of the sciences.

(This is the last part of this article, it is deeper, and we just want to make aware the couples who are in a similar situation to seek professional counseling with the experts in the field. We encourage you to keep writing us, letting us know which topics of interest you wish so we can address). We thank you for allowing us to reach you through your website.

Dr. Albert J. Arana (Clinical Psychologist). For personal counseling if you are interested, our Phones # are: (505)8454-6761 (Movi) or (505)8836-6766 (Claro)  Family Counselor Ministerio  Mi Vida en Abundancia.

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