If you are going through a divorce, or contemplating a divorce, the recent consensus indicates that you have plenty of company. About three of every five marriages end in divorce, and involve children.
The divorce is one of the things that cause more tension in the life of a person. This is true regardless of whether you are the person who started the divorce or the person who is the victim of divorce.
The husband or wife who usually leaves, will experiences a high sense of remorse and generally will blame the other person. The decision for the divorce is made typically with an ambivalence, uncertainty and confusion; it is a very difficult step to take for any couple. The identity of the family change and the identity of persons who are involved also change. Your personal identity will change in the sense that you will no longer be husband or wife and may experience grief, anger, depression, failure, etc.., just to name some feelings for the loss.
The divorce will fill the person with mixed feelings, then you will face or avoiding depression or you will be filled with anger. Pain and loss are common feelings, even if you are the person who wants the divorce.
If you have children, you may feel a negative emotional charge, because you’ll see less of them, or you may feel guilty about changes in their lives that will be caused by divorce.
The pain is normal; but if the intensity of pain is too big, or lost time seems very long, then seek professional counseling, can be very useful to you.
The couples going through a divorce, soon they will realize that divorce is not an event with a clear beginning or end, it is a process. This process begins before any legal action and may takes years, especially if children are involved; let’s consider some derived of the divorce.
The legal divorce – the dissolution or termination of marriage by the courts.
The emotional divorce – the chain of events and feelings that follow and continue through the divorce process and even after divorce or separation emotional disappointment of his spouse. And the sequels to mark the children, if there are any.
The economic divorce ? the division of money and property, requiring that individuals, who once worked as partners, have obligatorily to learn to function independently.
The divorce co-parenting – negotiations on how to raise children after separation.
Community Divorce – changes in relationships with friends and the community during the divorce process.
The psychic divorce – the process of separating oneself from the husband or wife and develop autonomy, emotional dislocation or emotional amputation, uncertainty.
Preparing and Planning.
When you’re facing a divorce, you and your ex-wife / husband need to discuss future plans, including how you will let to know the children what is happening with mom and dad, how to work together as parents, as divide the responsibilities and tell your family and friends. The bitterness and conflict can worsen when they start making plans.
When you are going through a divorce, may feel a deep loss, then you have to accept that you need to stop that attachment toward your ex-spouse. The separation can also lead to practical changes. Typically during a divorce, one or both will move. You may feel that you have no time or ability to do everything, perhaps because the tasks that once could be shared with two people now are made just for you. Thais can be overwhelming.
If you have children, you both will need to set policies for spending time with them and learn ways of how to raise them while they are living apart.