For some time I have been with the inquietude to write something about this topic, I know for sure it will be of interest to some men and women who have already gone through a divorce or numbers of divorces through their lives.
Through my practice as a Clinical Psychologist and Marriage Counselor, I have seen a defile in my office of a number of men and women, either individually or as couples with their lives shattered because of divorce or separation and the problem become more acute when there are children involved.
Before I start addressing the issues that concerns us, I want to stress one important detail, is the fact that the vast majority of people seeking advice or help are women. The ladies are more receptive to seek and accept help in order to restore the functionality of their lives. This is an issue we will address it separately.
In most instances when I have cases that have to do with the destruction of the couple relationship, when that happens, these people have a sense that the world has come to an end for them. Usually they fail to understand or accept a situation that it is real and they must face it with greater wisdom and objectivity; precisely because it is about their lives, they most think to make the best of what remains of it.
The causes of divorce among couples are very complex, not necessarily happen for a specific reason, nor does it happen overnight. The divorce or separation has it background which in time will emerge and will be carried out. All this is very feasible, especially when they have not tried to know as much as they can about each other, about the person they have chosen for marriage. For persons involved, for the relatives and friends will be a shock of disbelief or great mistake, seeing that the relationship is going overboard.
In all the above said sounds very negative, and truly is, because we are talking about the institution of the “Family”; but the good news is that there are new opportunities and hope for the divorced. We will give some suggestions to take into account before engaging in a serious relationship.
? Taking into account the experience gained from the previous failure, as consequence of that experience you’ll get more wisdom and you will be more conscience of details that went unnoticed before.
.Never allows because of loneliness, to rush to establish a new relationship. Clinical studies and statistics suggest that a person who has gone through a divorce or separation should take the necessary time to achieve emotional stability. Considering that each person and circumstances are different, you should take a timeout; this time should not be less than six months to a year or even more if necessary. After that time you begin to regain the sensitivity of your soul, your heart, and your emotions. We would say, you begin to awaken from your emotional slumber.
? Remember one thing, that just as there are men and women of questionable conduct, there are also responsible people with good principles, here is where your previous experience will help you greatly, that is, if you applied it correctly.
? A special point to take in consideration is when there are children involved. The candidate must feel genuine love for children. Couples need to be convinced themselves that the children of previous marriage will become their responsibility in many ways. This point has to be very clear in the minds of both participants. I make a note of warning, aimed especially at women, I have personally dealt with cases where the man takes advantage of the situation, pretending to be complacent, understanding and even permissive with the children until achieving their objectives; after achieving their selfish tricks they begin to show their claws. Watch it, watch very careful this detail.
? For men there is also a suggestion, do not be led solely by the physical attraction, we know that man is stimulated by sight, focus more on inner beauty of the lady. Some women seek to solve their problems whether is social stability or economic situation, this should not be the reason for the desirability of establishing a relationship; but they should have solid fundaments and firm believe toward the ?Family Institution”, especially to show “filial? or better yet the “agape” love, the filial love is the one you feels for the family and the ?agape? love is the one you give unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.
There is an aspect we have not mentioned, and that is the spiritual factor, this is very important from the perspective of people religious orientation, how they consider the values according to their faith. From a Christian perspective, without referring to any particular denomination, it is extremely important to consider the biblical worldview, what the Bible teaches us about marriage and divorce? This is another topic that will be discussed in due course from this point of view. There are many more tips and suggestions as the case of each one individually, but we must take into consideration many factors and we would need more space on this page, but if you are interested in the topic, please write us for more information on the issue of divorce. We have so much to share with you on this theme.
If you need personal advice, writes to us and we will respond with pleasure, our mission is to serve our brothers and sister of the world.
Please receive our greetings in the name of Jesus.
From: Dr. Alberto J. Arana. (Clinical Psychologist and Marriage Counselor)