CHILDREN OF SEPARATED PARENTS (Part-1 of 2)

Now a day’s given the high number of separations between couple that occur; many children are affected by this situation that instead of being something extraordinary is becoming something very habitual.

Influence of age and maturity.
Important messages to remind the child.
Important messages for parents.

POSSIBLE REACTIONS OF THE CHILD
– Reaction of anxiety and even anguish over the conflict after parental separation. They often feel afraid.

– They cry very often, this reassures them. We must accompany them at that time, and encourage this expression of pain they feel.
– Repeatedly they insist in the desire that parents get back together. Generally do not accept that this is not possible, they are very sad and unhappy. Finally they accept that this is not a fantasy. So many couples’ separations occur today, that many children are affected by this situation.

The consequences suffered by the child of separated parents will be more closely related:
– With the previous family disagreements and associated to the separation
– And the role the parents make the child play in separation rather than separation itself.
This, together with age and maturity of the child will condition the way how this separation will affect their development.

Here are some other points:

Additional reactions in children
– Some remember the other parent when you are scolding them, and want both to be with the other, they can even think of running away from home. They come to idealize over the other parent, the absent, remembering the good times with it.
– Probably, will appear sleep disturbances, in the feeding, in the control of their urinals sphincters or annals; that mean they can have problem urinating the bed frequently or defecating without wanted to make it on purpose.

INFLUENCE OF AGE AND MATURITY OF THE CHILD
– The younger the child is the fewer mechanisms will develop to process what is happening; therefore, manifestations of it often will appear through the body, example: abdominal discomfort, vomiting, headaches, allergies or depression.
– When your child gets older it may feel that he/she is the cause of such separation and therefore feel great guilt. Depressions often appear more aggressive stages, the impact on school performance, regression to earlier ages (return to previous behaviors arise from smaller)
– In older children and generally develop in post maturity partially positive, yet dangerous it is to replace the absent parent.

KEY MESSAGES YOU MOST REMIND TO YOUR CHILDREN
– The decision for the separation of the parents is entirely from parents. They have taken this decision because they think is best for all parties concerned, the family. Parents need to emphasize to children that they had nothing to do with this decision.

– Parents have not been separated because the child has misbehaved, in other times they have done so and have not been the case.
– Emphasize to your children that there are many people who care about them (grandparents, friends, teachers,) and they want children to be happy. Therefore, it has to be erased the fear that they may feels at being abandoned, being left alone. And they will have the affection of most people.
– Emphasize they will continue having both parents, in all the aspects that they specifies, although they no longer live together.
– Parents should insure to their children that whatever worries them or feel bad, he/she will be able to speak with the parents; that will make them to feel better. 
– Although the parents have separated, the children equally can love and to be loved.
– Parents can show their love in different ways. They should convey to the children that their parents still love them, demonstrate the willingness to share with them as long as they can and they are there to help them when they need it and to be there to listen to them.

Ministerio de Asesoría Familiar
Mi Vida en Abundancia.

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